What if Your Child is the One Showing Bullying Behavior?
We recently updated one of our most frequently downloaded handouts, "What if Your Child is the One Showing Bullying Behavior?" which is available as a PDF at https://www.pacer.org/parent/php/PHP-c109.pdf
Equally important as knowing how to handle when you get that call that your child is showing bullying behavior is understanding that bullying is about behavior, not an identity.
You’ve likely heard statements such as “My child is a victim of bullying” or “That student is a bully.” Though these phrases are commonly used, are they the best terms to describe a child’s behavior and actions? When referring to those involved in bullying situations, avoid stereotyping them into categories. Focus on behavior, not on labels.
For example:
Instead of “bullying victim,” replace with the phrase “he’s a target of bullying.” This shows that the child is not powerless, and that with support and education they can change what’s happening to them.
Instead of “she’s a bully” use instead, “she’s someone who bullies.” This shows that bullying is a part of who she is, but with support and education she can make changes in her behavior.
As with “victim,” labeling a child as a bully implies that his or her behavior is fixed and unlikely to change. In reality, behavior can and does change. A child might make fun of other kids in fifth grade, but stops this behavior after transitioning into sixth grade. The child bullied on the bus in the morning, may be the student who bullies someone in the afternoon.
However, the label of a kid being a bully might stick with the child and could be associated with him or her throughout school. With the help of parents, teachers, peers, and the community, bullying behaviors can change for the better. It’s important for adults seeking to resolve a bullying situation to avoid labeling the child engaging in bullying behavior as a “bully.” Those who bully should be held accountable for their actions and be given appropriate consequences, but it’s equally important to find out why they are engaging in that behavior. By addressing the behavior and the reasons for it, adults can help children make lasting, positive changes.
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